We process negative emotions so we get to the feelings of love. When we feel love in our hearts we forgive. We process negative emotions so the love of others can enter our hearts. So long as we have repressed or suppressed negative emotions in our hearts, we are blocking the love and care of others. We do not see and feel the love of others. We do not feel self-love. We do not see and feel the love and care of our Great Creator.
Now that we processed the negative emotions…what comes next is the forgiving part. Why we need to forgive? Why we should forgive?
We do not have to like or befriend the person who wronged us. We release them from our system.
We forgive the person who wronged us to cut his power…to de-empower him or her. Like attract like. The more we think of the person who wronged us and the harm he/she inflicted on us the more we attract or magnetized the experiences…the more we are going to feel it or have it. So, to stop it is to not think it and not feel it.
We forgive to save or spare other people from becoming or getting hurt by the person who wronged us. And, stop the ecology of hurting-people-hurt-people. The abuse becomes the abuser. If more people are done wrong the more negative emotions will come out and more negative energies will be in the atmosphere.
We forgive the person who wronged us so he/she could process his/her own negative emotions. So he/she could feel self-love and accept and receive the love of others. We help the person to heal his/her self. We help him/her to stop acting out or venting out.
Another process of healing negative emotions is thru writing. We write a letter to the person who wronged us. It is not necessarily mean that we need to send the letter to the person. Our objective is we express the negative emotions so it will not be pushed down or repressed. In writing the letter, we must express the feelings of anger, sadness, fear, regret and love. Process all these emotions. Vent them in a letter.
To start the letter writing, here are some lead-in phrases:
For Anger: I don’t like it … I feel frustrated…I am angry that… I feel annoyed… I want…
For Sadness: I feel disappointed … I am sad that … I feel hurt … I wanted … I want…
For Fear: I feel worried… I feel scared… I do not want… I need… I want…
For Regret: I feel embarrassed … I am sorry … I feel ashamed … I didn’t want…
For Love: I love … I want… I understand… I forgive… I appreciate… I thank you for… I know…
Write in the above-mentioned order:…anger…sadness…fear…regret…love.
Why we need to process all these emotions?
Mere exploring a part of our feelings does not bring about desired healing. Feeling anger only will may make us more angry. The more we dwell on just anger, the more upset we will become. Crying only may just leave us feeling empty and spent and sad. To feel the fears will just make us feel more fearful. Feeling sorry will just make us feel guilty and ashamed and/or harm our self-esteem. Trying to feel loving will force us to suppress or repress the negative emotions, and after a few years, we will become numb and unfeeling.
To be continued…
Now! Tell me must we forgive?
My answer will be YES. But before we do the forgiving we must heal ourselves first. Negative emotions are wounds in our emotional system. Like wounds, they must be given attention and cured too. How do we do that? Physical wounds are treated with medicines and bandages. How do we treat emotional wounds? Treating emotional wounds are the specialty of psychologists and/or psychiatrists. So, it is only right to consult them and ask help from them.
How do we heal? The reality is when the wounded part is force to do something it hurts and pains more. Let the wounded part process and heal. Give time and let it undergo a healing process. Once the wounds are healed, most of the time the wounded person comes out better. This is the nature of wounds and healing.
As advice by mental and emotional health care professionals, emotional healing starts when the wronged person feel the anger, then the grief and sorrow, then the love and forgiving.
Feel your anger. Let yourself become angry. Process the anger. How? Stand in front of a punching bag. Imagine the punching bag as the person who wronged you. Feel the anger and negative emotions you have for the person. Think why you feel negatively towards the person. Tell out loud the reasons why and punch and hit the punching bag until you get exhausted or until you feel all of the negative energy coming out of your mind, of your heart, of your body, of your self. Most of those who did this they feel grief and sorrow are coming out also. Bitterness and resentment are coming out too. Let yourself feel those, negative emotions and negative energies must come out. Let your emotional system be cleansed. Feel the feelings of sadness, fear, regret until you feel the love coming out.
To be continued…
There is this so-called “repressed emotions.” It started during childhood …they are the negative emotions we pushed down to the very bottom of our hearts and as we grow older whenever we feel negative emotions, most of the time, we keep on pushing down or repressing the emotions. We do not know what to do with it. No one teach us what needs to be done with the emotions. We just accept the standard advice, whenever we feel angry, forgive and forget.
Is really forgiving and forgetting the answer?
All or most of us followed and did the advice…we strived to forgive and forget.
But what happened to me, to you, to us afterwards? Why do we feel more anger, more pain, more bitterness, more resentment and other more negative emotions when we are faced again with similar situation which causes us the anger or pain or negative emotions the first time we felt them.
Forgiving and forgetting did not heal us. It made us repressed the negative emotions. It made us act out more and more. In some, we see people who can not control even themselves. They are eaten up or consumed by anger and hatred. We see people become wasted.
We short cut the process of healing the negative emotions. Notice this! Psychologists, therapists and mental health practitioners always ask what happened in the beginning when treating a patient. They are going back to the very first experiences when we had them. Why? Because those very first negative emotions we experienced are not healed just repressed and became bigger and bigger as the years roll by.
I am writing this article to remind me of the days I found forgiveness in my heart because there are days when I am consumed or gripped by anger and bitterness again and again.
How I found it? Why I forgave? Why I did not forgive?
When someone wronged us, it is natural that we feel anger or resentment towards the person who caused us such feelings and emotions. We also often hear that we should forgive those who did us wrong whatever the gravity of wrongdoing to us. They say it is the right thing to do and that is what God expects of us. They say we should forgive because of this and that…
In my life experiences, I meet people who did me wrong. Some did slight offending things and some really damaged my morals…some really made my world turn upside down.
What I felt…I feel fuming…I feel hurt…I feel pain…I feel bitterness…I feel resentment…I find it hard to forgive…it is hard for me to release the anger and the other emotions that goes with it…no matter how hard I try I find myself always falling into the pit of anger and hatred…more and more anger and hatred are rising up…flowing out like a lava…
I want to understand why I am feeling all these emotions…why are they coming out endlessly…why come out in particular situation…it is as if a lock is opened…it is like the gate of hell is unlocked.
Because I am asking why…I began invading the bookstores’ self-help and psychology sections…I began researching about this so-called EQ or Emotional Intelligence.
I learned a lot.
To be continued…
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